Personal Boundaries at Work

Interacting together harmoniously with others at work, day after day, is easier if we let the people we work with know something about us. Something, but obviously, not everything. There are boundaries, and those boundaries are not the same for everyone. Boundaries are personal. For example, if your work group has a happy-birthday-cupcake custom, everyone who is willing to disclose their birthday date is honored with a birthday cupcake bearing a single candle, and a bunch of folks singing a happy birthday tune. Most people are comfortable disclosing their birthdays. In a workplace that has such a custom, disclosing your birthday makes for fun for all.

Disclosing one's age is another matter. Some people might be comfortable disclosing their ages. Some are not. Personal boundaries for birthdays are different from personal boundaries for ages.

Boundaries Sometimes, only after a personal boundary
is violated do we realize a boundary was thereare personal. At times, we can feel pressure to permit violation of our personal boundaries. And sometimes, only after a personal boundary is violated do we realize a boundary was there. Knowing the hows and whys of your own personal boundaries is a lifetime project.

Fortunately, there is a framework that's helpful for discovering personal boundaries: what Virginia Satir called our "Five Freedoms." [Satir 1991]

The Five Freedoms of Virginia Satir

Satir expressed these five freedoms succinctly as follows below. Following each freedom, quoted in her words, I offer my own interpretation of its connection to personal boundaries. For concreteness, I use examples from a typical knowledge-work project setting.

"The freedom to see and hear what is here, instead of what should be, was or will be."

A senior manager (S) insists that the deadline for our project is tight but achievable. Actually it will require outrageous sacrifices of personal time over the next three months, and cancelling planned vacations. By insisting that the deadline is achievable, S is infringing my freedom to see and hear what is here, thereby violating a boundary that's part of my birthright as a human.

"The freedom to say what one feels and thinks, instead of what one should."

One of my teammates (T) has objected to the killing hours that will be required to meet S's impossibly tight deadline. When S (a senior manager) attacks T and then reassigns T to unpleasant duty, S is trying to control what we on the team say about what we feel or think about the schedule. S is violating a boundary that's part of my birthright as a human.

"The freedom to feel what one feels, instead of what one should."

After T (one of my teammates) was punished and reassigned, the atmosphere among the remaining team members was decidedly sad and fearful. S called me to his office for a "chat." When S insisted that I was "too sensitive, and I had better grow a thicker hide," S was trying to control whether I have feelings about the way T was treated. S was violating a boundary that's part of my birthright as a human.

"The freedom to ask for what one wants, instead of always waiting for permission."

When I struggle to meet the deadline using only the resources and time offered by S, I'm allowing S to infringe my freedom to ask for what I want. In that way I'm allowing S to violate a boundary that's part of my birthright as a human.

"The freedom to take risks in one's own behalf, instead of choosing to be only 'secure' and not rocking the boat."

I work hard to meet S's deadline, even though I've thought of another objective that would benefit the organization far more and much sooner. When I withhold my idea because I fear the possible consequences of offending S by putting my idea forward, I'm failing to take a risk on my own behalf. By allowing S to infringe my freedom to take such risks, I'm accepting a violation of a boundary that's part of my birthright as a human.

Last words

These five examples are everyday illustrations of Satir's deep truths about freedoms we all have just because we are people. She called them freedoms, but many view them from a slightly different angle as personal boundaries. My own preference is to call them freedoms. The term boundary evokes constraint, while the term freedom evokes liberty.  Top    Next Issue

Is every other day a tense, anxious, angry misery as you watch people around you, who couldn't even think their way through a game of Jacks, win at workplace politics and steal the credit and glory for just about everyone's best work including yours? Read 303 Secrets of Workplace Politics, filled with tips and techniques for succeeding in workplace politics. More info

Footnotes

Your comments are welcome

Would you like to see your comments posted here? rbrendPtoGuFOkTSMQOzxner@ChacEgGqaylUnkmwIkkwoCanyon.comSend me your comments by email, or by Web form.

About Point Lookout

Thank you for reading this article. I hope you enjoyed it and found it useful, and that you'll consider recommending it to a friend.

This article in its entirety was written by a human being. No machine intelligence was involved in any way.

Point Lookout is a free weekly email newsletter. Browse the archive of past issues. Subscribe for free.

Support Point Lookout by joining the Friends of Point Lookout, as an individual or as an organization.

Do you face a complex interpersonal situation? Send it in, anonymously if you like, and I'll give you my two cents.

Related articles

More articles on Workplace Politics:

When Leaders Fight

Organizations often pretend that feuds between leaders do not exist. But when the two most powerful people in your organization go head-to-head, everyone in the organization suffers. How can you survive a feud between people above you in the org chart?

The Deck Chairs of the Titanic: Task Duration

Much of what we call work is as futile and irrelevant as rearranging the deck chairs of the Titanic. We continue our exploration of futile and irrelevant work, this time emphasizing behaviors that extend task duration.

That Was a Yes-or-No Question: I

In tense situations, one person might question another. As the respondent replies, the questioner interjects, "That was a yes-or-no question." The intent is to trap the respondent. How does this work, and how can the respondent escape the trap?

Quasi-Narcissistic Quasi-Subordinates

One troublesome kind of workplace collaboration includes those that combine people of varied professions and ranks for a specific short-term mission. Many work well, but when one of the group members displays quasi-narcissistic behaviors, trouble looms.

The Politics of Forming Joint Leadership Teams

Some teams, business units, or enterprises are led not by individuals, but by joint leadership teams of two or more. They face special risks that arise from both the politics of the joint leadership team and the politics of the organization hosting it.

See also Workplace Politics and Ethics at Work for more related articles.

Forthcoming issues of Point Lookout

Coming May 1: Antipatterns for Time-Constrained Communication: 2

Recognizing just a few patterns that can lead to miscommunication can reduce the incidence of miscommunications. Here's Part 2 of a collection of antipatterns that arise in communication under time pressure, emphasizing those that depend on content. Available here and by RSS on May 1.

And on May 8: Antipatterns for Time-Constrained Communication: 3

Recognizing just a few patterns that can lead to miscommunication can reduce the incidence of problems. Here is Part 3 of a collection of antipatterns that arise in technical communication under time pressure, emphasizing past experiences of participants. Available here and by RSS on May 8.

Coaching services

I offer email and telephone coaching at both corporate and individual rates. Contact Rick for details at rbrendPtoGuFOkTSMQOzxner@ChacEgGqaylUnkmwIkkwoCanyon.com or (650) 787-6475, or toll-free in the continental US at (866) 378-5470.

Get the ebook!

Past issues of Point Lookout are available in six ebooks:

• Get 2001-2 in Geese Don't Land on Twigs (PDF, )
• Get 2003-4 in Why Dogs Wag (PDF, )
• Get 2005-6 in Loopy Things We Do (PDF, )
• Get 2007-8 in Things We Believe That Maybe Aren't So True (PDF, )
• Get 2009-10 in The Questions Not Asked (PDF, )
• Get all of the first twelve years (2001-2012) in The Collected Issues of Point Lookout (PDF, )

Are you a writer, editor or publisher on deadline? Are you looking for an article that will get people talking and get compliments flying your way? You can have 500-1000 words in your inbox in one hour. License any article from this Web site. More info