Six More Insights About Workplace Bullying

The single most important insight about workplace bullying is a clear understanding of what bullying is and is not. For example, some regard aggression as bullying only if it occurs as a series of incidents over a period of time. But that requirement causes much bullying to go unrecognized. A better definition recognizes that bullying need not be a series of incidents. One incident is enough, because the bully's target will likely relive the incident over a period of months or even years. So I prefer to define bullying at work as any aggressive behavior, associated with work, and primarily intended to cause physical or psychological harm to others.

With that definition in mind, let me set about raising doubts about some other beliefs about workplace bullying.

Letting yourself be bullied is not a thing

I suppose there are some psychological pathologies that could cause a target to appear to be inviting the bullying. But the vast majority of targets of bullies aren't "letting" themselves be bullied. Targets are bullied because of choices the bullies make, not choices the targets make.

Toughening up isn't a solution

Targets can't Targets are bullied because of
choices the bullies make, not
choices the targets makeget the bully to stop by toughening up and showing the bully they can take it. If the bullies sense that their tactics aren't creating enough suffering, they try different tactics. And the tactics they try will be even more abusive than whatever they had been using up to that point.

Being "good" doesn't work either

Targets can't get the bullying to stop by being "good," or by being deferential to the bully. These strategies are among many in the category of appeasement. There is no possibility of appeasing bullies. What the bullies want is simple — to inflict harm so as to witness suffering that they caused. Only suffering appeases bullies.

There is no overlap between workplace bullying and tough management

Some bullies claim that their bullying is simply "tough management." Management is the art and science of coordinating people and resources to achieve a specified objective within a specified time. Tough management might be tough, but its primary goal is achieving the objective, not causing harm to others.

Tolerating bullying by a subordinate is bullying by proxy

Bullying by proxy happens when one person (A) directs, supports, or encourages another person (B) as B engages in bullying a third person (C). Some managers (As) know that their subordinates (Bs) bully others (Cs). They feel that their hands are clean because they did not directly participate in the bullying. That is a self-serving illusion. Their support or tolerance of bullying by subordinates is nothing more than bullying by proxy.

Having lots of friends is not a defense against bullying

Some people believe that they can bring an end to their being bullied by trying harder to get along with others or by building a network of friends. While this strategy might be a comfort, it will not deter the bully. Bullies are deterred only by a high probability of harm to themselves or their careers if they persist in bullying long enough to be caught at it. So having friends is helpful to targets, but it doesn't deter bullies unless those friends have the political clout necessary to severely damage the bully's career.

Last words

One of the more debilitating beliefs about bullying at work is that the Human Resources function can intervene in cases of bullying to protect the bullies' targets. That they can do so is probably true. And the people who staff that function probably would like to intervene. But in most enterprises, the primary client of the Human Resources function is the enterprise, not the people who work within the enterprise. Interventions executed by Human Resources are often designed with a primary goal of protecting the enterprise. That goal might or might not be consistent with the best interest of the bully's target.  Top    Next Issue

Is a workplace bully targeting you? Do you know what to do to end the bullying? Workplace bullying is so widespread that a 2014 survey indicated that 27% of American workers have experienced bullying firsthand, that 21% have witnessed it, and that 72% are aware that bullying happens. Yet, there are few laws to protect workers from bullies, and bullying is not a crime in most jurisdictions. 101 Tips for Targets of Workplace Bullies is filled with the insights targets of bullying need to find a way to survive, and then to finally end the bullying. Also available at Apple's iTunes store! Just . Order Now!

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Related articles

More articles on Workplace Bullying:

Confronting the Workplace Bully: II

When bullied, one option is to fight back, but many don't, because they fear the consequences. Confrontation is a better choice than many believe — if you know what you're doing.

How Targets of Bullies Can Use OODA: II

To make the bullying stop, many targets of bullies try to defend themselves. But defense alone is not sufficient — someone must make the bully stop. That's why counterattack is much more likely to work.

When the Chair Is a Bully: III

When the chair of the meeting is so dominant that attendees withhold comments or slant contributions to please the chair, meeting output is at risk of corruption. Because chairs usually can retaliate against attendees who aren't "cooperative," this problem is difficult to address. Here's Part III of our exploration of the problem of bully chairs.

Unrecognized Bullying: I

Much workplace bullying goes unrecognized. Three reasons: (a) conventional definitions of bullying exclude much actual bullying; (b) perpetrators cleverly evade detection; and (c) cognitive biases skew our perceptions so we don't see some bullying as bullying.

Unrecognized Bullying: III

Much workplace bullying goes unrecognized because of cognitive biases that can cause targets, perpetrators, bystanders, and supervisors of perpetrators not to notice bullying. The Halo Effect and the Horn Effect are two of these biases.

See also Workplace Bullying and Critical Thinking at Work for more related articles.

Forthcoming issues of Point Lookout

Coming May 8: Antipatterns for Time-Constrained Communication: 3

Recognizing just a few patterns that can lead to miscommunication can reduce the incidence of problems. Here is Part 3 of a collection of antipatterns that arise in technical communication under time pressure, emphasizing past experiences of participants. Available here and by RSS on May 8.

And on May 15: Should I Write or Should I Call?

After we recognize the need to contact a colleague or colleagues to work out a way to move forward, we next must decide how to make contact. Phone? Videoconference? Text message? There are some simple criteria that can help with such decisions. Available here and by RSS on May 15.

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