Point Lookout: a free weekly publication of Chaco Canyon Consulting
Volume 1, Issue 19;   May 9, 2001: Dealing with Your Own Anger

Dealing with Your Own Anger


However perceptive we become about what can anger us, we still do get angry once in a while. Here are four steps to help you deal with your own anger.

At the end of Sean's four-hour stint at the help desk, Mad Melvin called. M2 was always abusive. The problem this time was the new backup software. For anyone but M2, Sean could have kept it together, but M2 never followed directions. M2's style was to click randomly and hope that he would accidentally get the result he wanted, all the while insulting the help desker. Finally Sean lost it: "Call back later from somewhere where Planet Earth is a local call," he said, and hung up. Instantly, Sean knew it was a mistake.

You've probably read about tactics for preventing yourself from becoming angry. However skilled we are at catching ourselves before we become angry, we're still left with the problem of what to do when we do get mad. Here are four steps for dealing with your own anger.

The sooner
you become aware
of building anger,
the sooner
you can intervene
Learn to notice your anger
The sooner you become aware of building anger, the sooner you can intervene. You can become more aware of feelings of anger by catching yourself in the act. The next time you're there, inventory what you're feeling — tightness in the chest, clenched teeth or fists, rigidity, shallow breathing. Knowing what anger feels like helps you notice it earlier when you're on your way there.
Accept anger
Anger is part of being Human. The only way to be certain that you'll never be angry again is to die, and most of us aren't ready to try that yet. When we believe that being angry is "bad," we complicate things, because our feelings of shame or guilt or even anger about being angry make regaining composure much more difficult. Accepting that you can become angry helps you to accept that you're angry when you are.
When you're angry, take responsibility for being angry
A bicycle raceYou're the owner of your own emotions. Only you have access to the systems in your body that lead you to become angry. You're in complete control of that process. True, someone might have done something you didn't like, but of all the possible responses available, you chose anger. That's something you did, and you can't proceed until you recognize that.
When you notice your anger, breathe slowly and deeply
Breathing brings you back from the edge of control, and you can act more creatively. Breathing gives you the oxygen you need to think, and breathing slowly and deliberately gives you a focus other than whatever you used to become angry.

Becoming angry is like falling from a bicycle. No matter how good a cyclist you are, you can always fall. The trick is to fall without hurting yourself or the other cyclists, and to get back on the bike again even though you know that another fall is inevitable. Go to top Top  Next issue: Diagonal Collaborations: Dazzling or Dangerous?  Next Issue

Rick BrennerThe article you've been reading is an archived issue of Point Lookout, my weekly newsletter. I've been publishing it since January, 2001, free to all subscribers, over the Web, and via RSS. You can help keep it free by donating either as an individual or as an organization. You'll receive in return my sincere thanks — and the comfort of knowing that you've helped to propagate insights and perspectives that can help make our workplaces a little more human-friendly. More

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Related articles

More articles on Emotions at Work:

Conflict Haiku
When tempers flare, or tension fills the air, many of us contribute to the stew, often without realizing that we do. Here are some haiku that describe some of the many stances we choose that can lead groups into tangles, or let those tangles persist once they form.
Bull Elk Antler Sparring for Dominance in their herdBelieve It or Else
When we use threats and intimidation to win debates or agreement, we lay a flimsy foundation for future action. Using fear may win the point, but little more.
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As people, we're very good at forming and holding beliefs and opinions despite nagging doubts. These doubts lead us to search for confirmation of our beliefs, and to reject information that might conflict with our beliefs. Often, this process causes us to persist in believing nonsense. How can we tell when this is happening?
A visual illusionScope Creep and the Planning Fallacy
Much is known about scope creep, but it nevertheless occurs with such alarming frequency that in some organizations, it's a certainty. Perhaps what keeps us from controlling it better is that its causes can't be addressed with management methodology. Its causes might be, in part, psychological.
Henny Youngman in 1957Quips That Work at Work: I
Perhaps you've heard that humor can defuse tense situations. Often, a clever quip, deftly delivered, does help. And sometimes, it's a total disaster. What accounts for the difference?

See also Emotions at Work for more related articles.

Forthcoming issues of Point Lookout

A Mustang GT illegally occupying two parking spaces at Vaughan Mills Mall, OntarioComing March 21: Narcissistic Behavior at Work: III
People who behave narcissistically tend to regard themselves as special. They systematically place their own interests and welfare ahead of anyone or anything else. In this part of the series we consider how this claimed specialness affects the organization and its people. Available here and by RSS on March 21.
Santa Claus arrives at 57th and Broadway in New York in the Macy's Thanksgiving Day ParadeAnd on March 28: Narcissistic Behavior at Work: IV
Narcissistic behavior at work is more damaging than rudeness or egotism. It leads to faulty decisions that compromise organizational missions. In this part of the series we examine the effects of constant demands for attention and admiration. Available here and by RSS on March 28.

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