November 16, 2005	Volume 5, Issue 46
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In the Groove

by Rick Brenner

Under stress, we sometimes make choices that we later regret. And we wonder, "Will I ever learn?" Fortunately, the problem usually isn't a failure to learn. Changing just takes practice.

hen a ship enters the Gatun Locks of the Panama Canal, there's risk to both ship and lock. A few feet to port or starboard can make the difference between a safe passage and a dangerous collision with one of the lock walls. That's why the locks have guide walls, or fenders, that jut out from the lock entrance at about a 45-degree angle, roughly in the shape of a V.

These walls guide errant ships toward the lock, making sure that the ship is "in the groove." Scott Acone of the US Army Corps of Engineers explains that the structure "…ensures that the ships make it into the passage without a direct hit on the lock itself. They ensure a more glancing blow, which doesn't damage either the ship or the lock."

Under stress,
we sometimes behave
like children. Why?Our minds have "guide walls" too. When we've used a particular behavior frequently, we develop "grooves" that make it easy to find that behavior again without thinking. But there's a price — when we aren't thinking clearly, the only choices we can make are those that require no thinking. And the patterns we're most likely to find are those with the most effective guide walls.

Under stress, we tend to use behaviors that we learned long ago and that we've used a lot. And those behaviors tend not to be the ones we learned more recently, as mature, thinking adults. Instead, we find more easily the behaviors that we learned long ago, as children, when our choices were more limited. That's one reason why, under stress, we sometimes do behave like children.

Where do your guide walls take you? We're all unique. Some popular destinations are anger, helplessness, abusing others, wackiness, retreat, hero worship, medication, stuckness, and complexity. You probably know yours — maybe too well.

Here are some tips that can help you find the choices you'd like to make instead.

Learn to notice stress

Canal locks have much more protection than just guide walls. There are lights and buoys and other warnings that alert pilots to the approaches.

Knowing that you're stressed is the first step to better choices. Learn what your own stress symptoms are, and practice noticing them.

Slow down

Canal pilots ease their ships into the locks very carefully. They need time to make course corrections.

If you notice that you're stressed, slow down. Breathe. Give yourself time to make better choices.

Accept the need for practice

The guide walls at the Gatun Locks are massive, and took time and tremendous effort to build.

Our guide walls aren't physical walls, but building them takes time, too. We build them by choosing consciously, and by observing our own progress.

Changing — building new guide walls — takes practice. That's why every stressful situation is a gift. It really is your only chance to practice.  Top    Next Issue

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More articles on Personal, Team, and Organizational Effectiveness:

When Your Boss Is a Micromanager

If your boss is a micromanager, your life can be a seemingly endless misery of humiliation and frustration. Changing your boss is one possible solution, but it's unlikely to succeed. What you can do is change the way you experience the micromanagement.

When You Think They've Made Up Their Minds

In tough negotiations, when attempts to resolve differences have failed, we sometimes conclude that "they've made up their minds," but other explanations abound. Keeping an open mind about why other people seem to have closed theirs can help us find a resolution.

Appreciate the Moment

Often, we focus our awareness where we aren't or when we aren't. Whether we're in a heated meeting, or blowing out the candles of a birthday cake, being fully present can make our experiences more positive and memorable. Why are we so often someplace else? When we are, how can we come back? Or better, how can we stay fully present when we want to?

Decisions, Decisions: Part I

Most of us have participated in group decision-making. The process can be frustrating and painful, but it can also be thrilling. What processes do groups use to make decisions? How do we choose the right process for the job?

Decisions, Decisions: Part II

Most of us have participated in group decision-making. The process can be frustrating and painful, but it can also be thrilling. What processes do groups use to make decisions?

See also Personal, Team, and Organizational Effectiveness and Conflict Management for more related articles.

Coaching services

I offer email and telephone coaching at both corporate and individual rates. Contact me for details at rbrenner@ChacoCanyon.com or (617) 491-6289, or toll-free in the continental US at (866) 378-5470.

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When we talk, listen, send or read emails, read or write memos, or when we leave or listen to voice mail messages, we're communicating person-to-person. And whenever we communicate person-to-person, we risk being misunderstood, offending others, feeling hurt, and being confused. There are so many ways for things to go wrong that we could never learn how to fix all the problems. A more effective approach avoids problems altogether, or at least minimizes their occurrence. In this very interactive program you'll learn a model of inter-personal communications that can help you stay out of the ditch. In those moments of intense involvement, when we're most likely to slip, you'll have a new tool to use to keep things constructive. Read more about this program. Here are some upcoming dates for this program:

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The Race to the South Pole: The Power of Agile Development

On 14 December 1911, four men led by Roald Amundsen reached the South Pole. Thirty-five days later, Robert F. Scott and four others followed. Amundsen had won the race to the pole. Amundsen's party returned to base on 26 January 1912. Scott's party perished. As historical drama, why this happened is interesting enough. Lessons abound. Among the more important lessons are those that demonstrate the power of the agile approach to project management and product development. Read more about this program. Here's an upcoming date for this program:

• Download to
  your calendarSt. George Banquet Hall, Kitchener, Ontario: March 6, Dinner Meeting, Canada's Technology Triangle Chapter of the Project Management Institute. Register now.
   

Human-Centered Risk Management

Most of us can assess technological risks, but risks related to human behavior tend to resist our best efforts. This session provides a framework for evaluating risks related to the behavior of individuals, teams, organizations and people generally. Human-centered risk differs from technological or market risk, because objective evaluation requires acknowledging personal and organizational limitations and failures. Since some of those limitations and failures might apply to the people assessing the risks, or to their superiors, there's a tendency to deny them or to explain them away. Our approach examines capability, organization, context, risk mitigation, and workplace politics. It has tools for guiding the assessment and management of human-centered risk, and we show how to extend these tools to suit your situation. You'll learn how to identify sources of risk in human behavior; recognize systemic and individual barriers to acknowledging risk; assess the effects of organizational turbulence; determine the risk associated with inappropriate internal risk transfer; estimate the effects of team dysfunction, toxic conflict and turnover; and measure the impact of workplace politics. Read more about this program. Here's an upcoming date for this program:

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The Race to the South Pole: Ten Lessons for Project Managers

On 14 December 1911, four men led by Roald Amundsen reached the South Pole. Thirty-five days later, Robert F. Scott and four others followed. Amundsen had won the race to the pole. Amundsen's party returned to base on 26 January 1912. Scott's party perished. As historical drama, why this happened is interesting enough, but to project managers, the story is fascinating. Lessons abound. Read more about this program. Here's an upcoming date for this program:

• Columbia, Missouri: May 17, Full-Day Workshop, Mid Missouri Chapter of the Project Management Institute.
   

Project Management in Fluid Environments

Most people now work in environments that can best be characterized as fluid, because they're subject to continual change. We never know what's coming next. In such environments, managing — teams, projects, groups, departments, or the enterprise — often entails moving from surprise to surprise while somehow staying almost on track. It's a nerve-wracking existence. This program provides numerous tools that help project managers who work in fluid environments. Read more about this program. Here's an upcoming date for this program:

• Columbia, Missouri: May 17, Monthly Meeting, Mid Missouri Chapter of the Project Management Institute.
   

The Politics of Meetings for People Who Hate Politics

There's a lot more to running an effective meeting than having the right room, the right equipment, and the right people. With meetings, the whole really is more than the sum of its parts. How the parts interact with each other and with external elements is as important as the parts themselves. And those interactions are the essence of politics for meetings. This program explores techniques for leading meetings that are based on understanding political interactions, and using that knowledge effectively to meet organizational goals. Read more about this program. Here's an upcoming date for this program:

• Rochester, New York: May 24, Professional Development Day, Rochester Chapter of the Project Management Institute.