September 16, 2009	Volume 9, Issue 37
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The Ups and Downs of American Handshakes: Part I

by Rick Brenner

In much of the world, the handshake is a customary business greeting. It seems so simple, but its nuances can send signals we don't intend. Here are some of the details of handshakes in the USA.

n-person business greetings vary around the world. There are nods, bows, kisses, hugs, handshakes, and many more. In the United States, the customary greeting is a handshake.

There's no one right way to shake hands. We each shake hands in our own unique ways. Wherever we learned it, our teachers are all different. Men and women are different too.

Even though we all do it differently, any culture that has a handshake custom has an "ideal" handshake, and it attaches meanings to slight deviations from the ideal. Here's Part I of some guidelines for handshakes, as the custom is practiced in business in the USA.

It's a right hand thing

Unless you have a disability, or your right hand is obviously occupied in some way, the right hand is the rule. Extending your left hand can be seen as insulting.

Prepare

If you expect to be shaking hands, keep your right hand free and remove your gloves. Having to shift items to your left hand while your partner waits can seem disrespectful to some, and might even feel embarrassing to you.

Stand

If you're seated when a handshake is imminent, rise. Some feel that this applies only to men, but that's changing, especially in the business setting. Still, in some microcultures, ladies need not stand.

Make eye contact

Shaking hands requires eye contact and attention. Not a glare or stare, but caring attention. Looking away can mean, "I don't really care about you." Even though we all do it differently,
any culture that has a handshake
custom has an "ideal" handshake

Stand far enough away

If you're too close, your extended hand will invade your partner's personal space, which in the U.S. is about three-quarters of an arm's length.

Know who should offer first

Some women feel that courtesy demands that a man wait for a woman to extend her hand, though in business, it's now rare for women to be treated differently. The powerful — both men and women — often expect the less powerful to offer first.

Say your name

Introduce yourself, even if someone else has already done so. All you need do is say your name, beginning just before you extend your hand.

Say your partner's name

Toward the end of the handshake, say your partner's name. Speaking it will help you remember it, and demonstrates that you're paying attention and that you care. "Nice to meet you" is optional and usually welcome.

Point your thumb upward

Some people shake hands with palm pointing slightly downward. For many people, this is insulting, because it places them in a subordinate position.

If you've grown up in the United States, and you shake hands with someone who was reared elsewhere, you might notice deviations from these customs. Interpreting those deviations as if they were intended to give offense would probably be a mistake. We'll continue next time with more guidelines and deviations. Next in this series   Top    Next Issue

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More articles on Personal, Team, and Organizational Effectiveness:

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Films Not About Project Teams: Part I

Here's part one of a list of films and videos about project teams that weren't necessarily meant to be about project teams. Most are available to borrow from the public library, and all are great fun.

See also Personal, Team, and Organizational Effectiveness and Effective Communication at Work for more related articles.

Coaching services

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Public seminars

Person-to-Person Communication for Project Managers

When we talk, listen, send or read emails, read or write memos, or when we leave or listen to voice mail messages, we're communicating person-to-person. And whenever we communicate person-to-person, we risk being misunderstood, offending others, feeling hurt, and being confused. There are so many ways for things to go wrong that we could never learn how to fix all the problems. A more effective approach avoids problems altogether, or at least minimizes their occurrence. In this very interactive program you'll learn a model of inter-personal communications that can help you stay out of the ditch. In those moments of intense involvement, when we're most likely to slip, you'll have a new tool to use to keep things constructive. Read more about this program. Here are some upcoming dates for this program:

• Download to
  your calendarDes Moines, IA: February 16, Breakfast Meeting, Central Iowa Chapter of The Project Management Institute. Register now.
   
• Download to
  your calendarDes Moines, IA: February 16, Lunch Meeting, Central Iowa Chapter of The Project Management Institute. Register now.
   
• Houston, Texas: May 8, Monthly Meeting, Houston Chapter of the Project Management Institute.
   
• Houston, Texas: May 9, Monthly Meeting, Houston Chapter of the Project Management Institute.
   

The Race to the South Pole: The Power of Agile Development

On 14 December 1911, four men led by Roald Amundsen reached the South Pole. Thirty-five days later, Robert F. Scott and four others followed. Amundsen had won the race to the pole. Amundsen's party returned to base on 26 January 1912. Scott's party perished. As historical drama, why this happened is interesting enough. Lessons abound. Among the more important lessons are those that demonstrate the power of the agile approach to project management and product development. Read more about this program. Here's an upcoming date for this program:

• Download to
  your calendarSt. George Banquet Hall, Kitchener, Ontario: March 6, Dinner Meeting, Canada's Technology Triangle Chapter of the Project Management Institute. Register now.
   

Human-Centered Risk Management

Most of us can assess technological risks, but risks related to human behavior tend to resist our best efforts. This session provides a framework for evaluating risks related to the behavior of individuals, teams, organizations and people generally. Human-centered risk differs from technological or market risk, because objective evaluation requires acknowledging personal and organizational limitations and failures. Since some of those limitations and failures might apply to the people assessing the risks, or to their superiors, there's a tendency to deny them or to explain them away. Our approach examines capability, organization, context, risk mitigation, and workplace politics. It has tools for guiding the assessment and management of human-centered risk, and we show how to extend these tools to suit your situation. You'll learn how to identify sources of risk in human behavior; recognize systemic and individual barriers to acknowledging risk; assess the effects of organizational turbulence; determine the risk associated with inappropriate internal risk transfer; estimate the effects of team dysfunction, toxic conflict and turnover; and measure the impact of workplace politics. Read more about this program. Here's an upcoming date for this program:

• Download to
  your calendarMITRE, in Bedford, Massachusetts: March 20, Monthly Meeting, Boston SPIN. Register now.
   

The Race to the South Pole: Ten Lessons for Project Managers

On 14 December 1911, four men led by Roald Amundsen reached the South Pole. Thirty-five days later, Robert F. Scott and four others followed. Amundsen had won the race to the pole. Amundsen's party returned to base on 26 January 1912. Scott's party perished. As historical drama, why this happened is interesting enough, but to project managers, the story is fascinating. Lessons abound. Read more about this program. Here's an upcoming date for this program:

• Columbia, Missouri: May 17, Full-Day Workshop, Mid Missouri Chapter of the Project Management Institute.
   

Project Management in Fluid Environments

Most people now work in environments that can best be characterized as fluid, because they're subject to continual change. We never know what's coming next. In such environments, managing — teams, projects, groups, departments, or the enterprise — often entails moving from surprise to surprise while somehow staying almost on track. It's a nerve-wracking existence. This program provides numerous tools that help project managers who work in fluid environments. Read more about this program. Here's an upcoming date for this program:

• Columbia, Missouri: May 17, Monthly Meeting, Mid Missouri Chapter of the Project Management Institute.
   

The Politics of Meetings for People Who Hate Politics

There's a lot more to running an effective meeting than having the right room, the right equipment, and the right people. With meetings, the whole really is more than the sum of its parts. How the parts interact with each other and with external elements is as important as the parts themselves. And those interactions are the essence of politics for meetings. This program explores techniques for leading meetings that are based on understanding political interactions, and using that knowledge effectively to meet organizational goals. Read more about this program. Here's an upcoming date for this program:

• Rochester, New York: May 24, Professional Development Day, Rochester Chapter of the Project Management Institute.