Workplace bullies select targets carefully, focusing on those who can't or won't fight back, because bullies fear counterattacks. If you've been targeted, the bully probably believes you won't fight back, and, paradoxically, that's the key to successful confrontation. Here is Part II of our series on confronting the workplace bully, including six tips for managing an effective confrontation. See "Confronting the Workplace Bully: I," Point Lookout for February 3, 2010, for more.
- Have a clear objective
- You probably can't "fix" or instruct or improve the bully, because you haven't been asked to. But you can force the bully to find another target, or at least, cease targeting you. That is a clear, achievable objective.
- It can't be achieved in one dramatic incident. Prepare for a campaign — a series of small face-offs.
- Rely on strategic surprise
- As you begin formulating a campaign, you'll feel an urge to counterattack immediately in small ways. Resist the urge. Bullies sense these changes. If you counterattack before you're really ready, the bully can prepare for whatever you finally decide to do.
- Strategic surprise is a significant advantage. Maintain the posture of a helpless target until you can suddenly apply overwhelming force. See "Biological Mimicry and Workplace Bullying," Point Lookout for March 31, 2010, for more.
- Most workplace bullying is psychological, not physical
- While physical bullying does occur, most workplace bullying is psychological, consisting of rumors, lies, shunning, innuendo, exclusion, humiliation, shouting, insults, and more. Avoid physical confrontation, because criminal charges are likely.
- Tactics for effective counterattacks depend on the tactics of the bully. Choose an approach at which you're more skilled — or can become more skilled — than the bully is.
- In private, initiate; in public, respond
- In each As you begin formulating a
campaign of counterattack,
you'll feel an urge to counter-
attack immediately in small
ways. Resist the urge.confrontation incident, choose between initiating and responding. In private, initiating the confrontation is a powerful display of confidence and courage. Without witnesses, you have more tactical freedom. In public, wait to be attacked, and respond powerfully.
- If you counterattack in public without provocation, you might seem yourself to be a bully. Provocation by the bully is essential to success in public counterattacks.
- Choose a favorable setting
- Choose the setting for counterattacks carefully. The most favorable setting is either private or one in which most onlookers are hostile to the bully.
- Don't expect open demonstrations of support, because bullies make such demonstrations risky for your supporters. All you need is a few witnesses who are willing to say that the bully provoked you, and that you acted reasonably.
- In attack, be cool
- Screaming, tears, and other expressions of emotion reduce your chances of success. A cool, deliberative posture says, "I enjoy making trouble for you, because you've made so much trouble for me." It shows that you can carry out your plan for as long as necessary.
- The goal of counterattack is to demonstrate that bullying you will be an expensive, painful affair. Coolness emphasizes and supports that message.
Are you being targeted by a workplace bully? Do you know what to do to end the bullying? Workplace bullying is so widespread that a 2014 survey indicated that 27% of American workers have experienced bullying firsthand, that 21% have witnessed it, and that 72% are aware that bullying happens. Yet, there are few laws to protect workers from bullies, and bullying is not a crime in most jurisdictions. 101 Tips for Targets of Workplace Bullies is filled with the insights targets of bullying need to find a way to survive, and then to finally end the bullying. Also available at Apple's iTunes store! Just USD 9.99. Order Now!
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Support Point Lookout by joining the Friends of Point Lookout, as an individual or as an organization.
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More articles on Workplace Bullying:
- Meeting Bullies: Advice for Chairs
- Bullying in meetings is difficult to address, because intervention in the moment is inherently public.
When bullying happens in meetings, what can you do?
- When the Chair Is a Bully: II
- Assertiveness by chairs of meetings isn't a problem in itself, but it becomes problematic when the chair's
dominance deprives the meeting of contributions from some of its members. Here's Part II of our exploration
of the problem of bully chairs.
- See No Bully, Hear No Bully
- Supervisors of bullies sometimes are unaware of bullying activity in their organizations. Here's a collection
of indicators for supervisors who suspect bullying but who haven't witnessed it directly.
- The Paradox of Structure and Workplace Bullying
- Structures of all kinds — organizations, domains of knowledge, cities, whatever — are both
enabling and limiting. To gain more of the benefits of structure, while avoiding their limits, it helps
to understand this paradox and learn to recognize its effects.
- Shame and Bullying
- Targets of bullies sometimes experience intense feelings of shame. Here are some insights that might
restore the ability to think, and maybe end the bullying.
Forthcoming issues of Point Lookout
- Coming November 22: Motivation and the Reification Error
- We commit the reification error when we assume, incorrectly, that we can treat abstract constructs as if they were real objects. It's a common error when we try to motivate people. Available here and by RSS on November 22.
- And on November 29: Manipulators Beware
- When manipulators try to manipulate others, they're attempting to unscrupulously influence their targets to decide or act in some way the manipulators prefer. But some targets manage to outwit their manipulators. Available here and by RSS on November 29.
I offer email and telephone coaching at both corporate and individual rates. Contact Rick for details at rbrendwqEpojKioiYicnWner@ChacaTvNONGAyCiKrodjoCanyon.com or (617) 491-6289, or toll-free in the continental US at (866) 378-5470.
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