Walking from the parking lot to her office, Jill noticed that the experience was now strangely painful, for the third day in a row. It was weird, because nothing bad was happening, and she couldn't explain her feelings of dread and sadness. She thought, I should be feeling good, I'm riding the wave of Marigold's success — more or less on time, 8% under budget, and great teamwork. And then Program Manager of the Year. Gosh I felt good. So why am I sad?
It's a good problem to have. You've done a great job, people have recognized it, and then the glow faded. When everyone's focus shifts to the next problem, and we're no longer the center of attention, we can sometimes feel a sense of letdown. It can be especially difficult when nothing much is happening to explain our sadness.
Sometimes "nothing is happening" is the key. Moving from the center of attention back to a more familiar place, we can feel ignored, unappreciated, unloved. We're especially vulnerable when we've let the accolades define our self-esteem.
Sometimes we blame others for our feelings of letdown. We accuse them of ingratitude, of having adopted an attitude described as "What have you done for me lately?" True, those around us, who have benefited so much from our past success, can seem ungrateful. And sometimes, they are. Another possibility: we're feeling the letdown that comes after the accolades.
To manage the letdown, first manage the elation. Begin by noticing how high you are. How does the high feel, physically? Perhaps you can't stop smiling, or you're too excited to sleep, or you feel tightness inside your chest. We're all unique — how you experience the high is your very own.
When we move from
the limelight back to
a more familiar place,
we can feel ignored,
unlovedOnce you know you're up there, you can more easily remember that you are still you. And you can remember that having succeeded in such dramatic fashion didn't make you a better person. Actually it was the other way around — first you were a fine person, and then you did the good work. And now you are still you. You're the same wonderful person you've always been. Remembering this can help you manage what comes next.
Once you've learned to recognize the elation, you can more easily recognize its passing. You'll know that the elation is gone, and when the letdown comes, you can remind yourself again that you are still you. You're the same wonderful person that you always have been — before your success and after.
Do you have a favorite photo of yourself as a child? Perhaps as an infant, or that snapshot from your seventh birthday party? Make a copy. Carry it with you. Peek at it now and then. You are still you. Top Next Issue
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More articles on Emotions at Work:
- What's So Good About Being Laid Off?
- Layoffs during the holiday period of November 15 through January 15 are far more common than you might
think. Losing your job, or fearing that you might, is always difficult, but at this time of year it's
especially helpful to keep in mind that the experience does have a bright side.
- Your Wishing Wand
- Wishing — for ourselves, for others, or for all — helps us focus on what we really want.
When we know what we really want, we're ready to make the little moves that make it happen. Here's a
little user's guide for your wishing wand.
- Intimidation Tactics: Touching
- Workplace touching can be friendly, or it can be dangerous and intimidating. When touching is used to
intimidate, it often works, because intimidators know how to select their targets. If you're targeted,
what can you do?
- Not Really Part of the Team: II
- When some team members hang back, declining to show initiative, we tend to overlook the possibility
that their behavior is a response to something happening within or around the team. Too often we hold
responsible the person who's hanging back. What other explanations are possible?
- Compulsive Talkers at Work: Power
- Compulsive talkers are unlikely to change their behavior in response to your polite (or even impolite)
requests. In this second part of our exploration, we consider the role of power — both personal
See also Emotions at Work for more related articles.
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- And on February 28: Narcissistic Behavior at Work: I
- Briefly, when people exhibit narcissistic behavior they're engaging in activity that systematically places their own interests and welfare ahead of the interests and welfare of anyone or anything else. It's behavior that threatens the welfare of the organization and everyone employed there. Available here and by RSS on February 28.
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- The Power Affect: How We Express Our Personal Power
- Many people who possess real organizational power have a characteristic demeanor. It's the way they project their presence. I call this the power affect. Some people — call them power pretenders — adopt the power affect well before they attain significant organizational power. Unfortunately for their colleagues, and for their organizations, power pretenders can attain organizational power out of proportion to their merit or abilities. Understanding the power affect is therefore important for anyone who aims to attain power, or anyone who works with power pretenders. Read more about this program.
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