When we must make quick decisions about emotional issues, we're more likely than usual to make mistakes. It's helpful in those situations to have distilled what we believe into guidelines we can easily recall when we need them. Here are some memorable guidelines for dealing with bullying.
- Letting yourself be bullied without end isn't a success strategy.
- Ignoring bullying won't cause the bully to get bored and find another target. It's more likely to convince the bully to do something you can't ignore.
- Hiring an attorney won't stop the bully, but it will make your employer aware that you're a threat. Your employer must then decide which threat it fears more — you or the bully. If you do hire an attorney, be certain that your employer will fear you more than the bully.
- Trying to end bullying by avoiding the bully is as likely to succeed as trying to survive while swimming in shark-infested waters by avoiding sharks.
- Humor can deflect a bully's attack if the attack is public and the bully doesn't want to be seen as a bully. Otherwise, humor is unlikely to help.
- Bullies fear harm, just like everyone else. To make the bullying stop, convince the bully that if the bullying continues, severe harm is inevitable.
- Someone who has never been bullied can't really understand what it's like to be a target.
- Someone who has never been bullied by this specific bully can't really understand what it's like to be a target of this bully.
- The trouble between the bully and the target isn't a "personality clash." There is no such thing.
- Targets cannot end the bullying by trying harder to "get along." The bullying isn't about the target's misbehavior.
- Bullies don't bully their targets to "get even" for their targets' past offenses. They bully their targets because of inner compulsions that the bullies don't yet know how to control — or don't yet want to.
- Bullies cannot Bullies cannot be persuaded
by rational argument to stop
bullying. Their inner compulsions
aren't rational.be persuaded by rational argument to stop bullying. Their inner compulsions aren't rational.
- Being bullied isn't the target's "fault."
- Letting a bully abuse someone else without end isn't a way to avoid becoming the next target.
- Bystanders who are aware of the bullying and don't act to stop it share responsibility for the bullying. They aren't innocent.
- Many organizations claim, "We don't hire bullies." Horsepucky. All organizations hire bullies, mostly unintentionally. The key word is "mostly."
- Trying to resolve a bullying issue with conventional conflict resolution techniques is like bowling with golf balls. You might knock a pin down here and there by chance, but it would be a freak occurrence.
Are you being targeted by a workplace bully? Do you know what to do to end the bullying? Workplace bullying is so widespread that a 2014 survey indicated that 27% of American workers have experienced bullying firsthand, that 21% have witnessed it, and that 72% are aware that bullying happens. Yet, there are few laws to protect workers from bullies, and bullying is not a crime in most jurisdictions. 101 Tips for Targets of Workplace Bullies is filled with the insights targets of bullying need to find a way to survive, and then to finally end the bullying. Also available at Apple's iTunes store! Just USD 9.99. Order Now!
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More articles on Workplace Bullying:
- Intimidation Tactics: Touching
- Workplace touching can be friendly, or it can be dangerous and intimidating. When touching is used to
intimidate, it often works, because intimidators know how to select their targets. If you're targeted,
what can you do?
- Responding to Threats: II
- When an exchange between individuals, or between an individual and a group, goes wrong, threats often
are either the cause or part of the results. If we know how to deal with threats — and how to
avoid and prevent them — we can help keep communications creative and constructive.
- On Being the Canary
- Nobody else seems to be concerned about what's going on. You are. Should you raise the issue? What are
the risks? What are the risks of not raising the issue?
- How Targets of Bullies Can Use OODA: II
- To make the bullying stop, many targets of bullies try to defend themselves. But defense alone is not
sufficient — someone must make the bully stop. That's why counterattack is much more likely
- When the Chair Is a Bully: III
- When the Chair of the meeting is so dominant that attendees withhold comments or slant contributions
to please the Chair, meeting output is at risk of corruption. Because Chairs usually can retaliate against
attendees who aren't "cooperative," this problem is difficult to address. Here's Part III
of our exploration of the problem of bully chairs.
Forthcoming issues of Point Lookout
- Coming March 28: Four Overlooked Email Risks: II
- Email exchanges are notorious for exposing groups to battles that would never occur in face-to-face conversation. But email has other limitations, less-often discussed, that make managing dialog very difficult. Here's Part II of an exploration of some of those risks. Available here and by RSS on March 28.
- And on April 4: Narcissistic Behavior at Work: III
- People who behave narcissistically tend to regard themselves as special. They systematically place their own interests and welfare ahead of anyone or anything else. In this part of the series we consider how this claimed specialness affects the organization and its people. Available here and by RSS on April 4.
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- The Power Affect: How We Express Our Personal Power
- Many people who possess real organizational power have a characteristic demeanor. It's the way they project their presence. I call this the power affect. Some people — call them power pretenders — adopt the power affect well before they attain significant organizational power. Unfortunately for their colleagues, and for their organizations, power pretenders can attain organizational power out of proportion to their merit or abilities. Understanding the power affect is therefore important for anyone who aims to attain power, or anyone who works with power pretenders. Read more about this program.