December 10, 2003	Volume 3, Issue 50
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Help for Asking for Help

by Rick Brenner

When we ask for help, from peers or from those with organizational power, we have some choices. How we go about it can determine whether we get the help we need, in time for the help to help.

arigold was now hopelessly late, which is why Andrew was now sitting in Jane's office, asking for advice. "So you think asking Emmons for help is the way to break the news," he said.

"Yup," said Jane. "Worked for me."

Absorbing this, Andrew realized that Jane probably knew how to go about it. "OK, but how can I make sure we get the help we need, and not what he thinks we need?"

"Easy," Jane said, "you do your homework first. Show him what's going on and why, compressing it to keep his attention while you lay out the story. You have to make it interesting."

"Sounds good, but how?"

"Start by asking him for ten minutes — that should be enough. Then you lay out the headline, and go from there."

Jane has just given Andrew three of the keys for asking for help successfully. Here are ten tips for asking for help. Work with your peers
before you go upwards
in the organization

Do everything you can do first

Ask for help only after you've done what you can in your own circle of autonomy. Work out whatever you can with your peers before you go upwards in the organization.

Choose your forum

If your needing help would be embarrassing to you or to anyone you ask for help, think carefully about the forum in which you make the request. Be discrete.

Ask permission

Work out a mutually agreeable time and setting for making your request.

Ask early

The temptation to delay is strong, because we often hope that the problem will resolve itself. Resist temptation. If you wait until panic sets in, you risk foreclosing options.

Deliver the headline first

Begin with the big idea — don't build up to it. For instance, Andrew could say, "Marigold will be late, and I need your help."

Organize your options

Have in mind at least a couple of kinds of help. The third one can always be: "Can you suggest something else?"

Have a clear objective

Define the problem, and then describe the solution you have in mind. Whether you need advice, expertise, or resources, ask for it specifically. Be clear, but be open to alternatives.

Explore alternate solutions

Be prepared to justify the solution you've selected, but be ready to explore alternatives. People tend to feel uncomfortable about helping the unprepared or the narrow-minded.

Make it interesting

Present your problem in an intriguing way. You'll be presenting a solution, too, so touch hot buttons that will intrigue the listener.

Use what you get

Because rejecting or ignoring help you've asked for can create real problems, be prepared to accept the help that's offered.

Show your appreciation with warmth and gratitude. Make the helper glad to have helped.  Top    Next Issue

Why is asking for help, or remembering that we can ask, so difficult? How can we make it easier? Read about it.

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See also Personal, Team, and Organizational Effectiveness and Problem Solving and Creativity for more related articles.

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Public seminars

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When we talk, listen, send or read emails, read or write memos, or when we leave or listen to voice mail messages, we're communicating person-to-person. And whenever we communicate person-to-person, we risk being misunderstood, offending others, feeling hurt, and being confused. There are so many ways for things to go wrong that we could never learn how to fix all the problems. A more effective approach avoids problems altogether, or at least minimizes their occurrence. In this very interactive program you'll learn a model of inter-personal communications that can help you stay out of the ditch. In those moments of intense involvement, when we're most likely to slip, you'll have a new tool to use to keep things constructive. Read more about this program. Here are some upcoming dates for this program:

• Des Moines, IA: February 16, Breakfast Meeting, Central Iowa Chapter of The Project Management Institute.
   
• Des Moines, IA: February 16, Lunch Meeting, Central Iowa Chapter of The Project Management Institute.
   
• Houston, Texas: May 8, Monthly Meeting, Houston Chapter of the Project Management Institute.
   
• Houston, Texas: May 9, Monthly Meeting, Houston Chapter of the Project Management Institute.
   

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On 14 December 1911, four men led by Roald Amundsen reached the South Pole. Thirty-five days later, Robert F. Scott and four others followed. Amundsen had won the race to the pole. Amundsen's party returned to base on 26 January 1912. Scott's party perished. As historical drama, why this happened is interesting enough, but to project managers, the story is fascinating. Lessons abound. Read more about this program. Here's an upcoming date for this program:

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• Columbia, Missouri: May 17, Monthly Meeting, Mid Missouri Chapter of the Project Management Institute.
   

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• Rochester, New York: May 24, Professional Development Day, Rochester Chapter of the Project Management Institute.