Point Lookout An email newsletter from Chaco Canyon Consulting
Point Lookout, a free weekly email newsletter from Chaco Canyon Consulting
February 3, 2010 Volume 10, Issue 5
 
Recommend this issue to a friend
Join the Friends of Point Lookout
HTML to link to this article…
Archive: By Topic    By Date
Links to Related Articles
Sign Up for A Tip A Day!
Create a perpetual bookmark to the current issue Bookmark and Share
Tweet this! | Follow @RickBrenner Random Article

Confronting the Workplace Bully:
Part I

by

When a bully targets you, you have three options: accept the abuse; avoid the bully or escape; and confront or fight back. Confrontation is a better choice than many believe — if you know what you're doing.
The U.S. Federal Correctional Institution at Danbury, Connecticut

The U.S. Federal Correctional Institution at Danbury, Connecticut, where Leona Helmsley, also known as "The Queen of Mean," served for 18 months on several charges related to tax fraud. A notorious workplace bully, stories of her abusive exploits abound. Harvard Law School Professor Alan Dershowitz tells one story, retold in Stacy Conradt's Mental Floss blog post, "6 Tyrannical Bosses Far Worse Than Yours": "Lawyer Alan Dershowitz said he once had breakfast with Leona at one of the Helmsley hotels and the waiter brought him a cup of tea with a tiny bit of water spilled on the saucer. Alan says Leona grabbed the cup from him and smashed it on the floor, then demanded that the waiter get down on his hands and knees and beg for his job." Helmsley's bullying ways were never considered grounds for criminal charges, but it's certainly possible that they contributed to the public's motivation and acceptance of the legal action against her. We can all hope that someday behavior like this will be widely regarded as criminal, and people engaging in such acts will be subject to criminal prosecution. Photo courtesy U.S. Bureau of Prisons.

It's easy to find studies of workplace bullies — classifying them, measuring their prevalence, describing their tactics, and estimating their cost to employers. It's more difficult to learn how to cope with bullies. So let's look at that: you're targeted. Now what?

Some recommend reasoning with bullies, using approaches similar to those used for ordinary conflict. I don't advise this. Bullying is not about ordinary conflict between two people. Bullying is abuse. Bullying is the exercise of power to inflict pain and suffering. Bullies do not adjust their behavior on the basis of negotiation.

The two most effective strategies for dealing with a bully who has targeted you are Fight and Flight. In the Fight strategy, you engage with or confront the bully, possibly with the assistance of higher authority. In the Flight strategy, you avoid the bully, or leave the organization. If you can't adopt either of these strategies, Misery is your fate, until the bully chooses another target. Since misery is unacceptable, let's look more closely at Fight first. We'll examine Flight in future issues.

Here are three tips for preparing to confront workplace bullies successfully.

Know your capabilities
Bullies are experts at finding targets who won't fight back. If you've been targeted, the bully probably believes that you either can't or won't fight back.
If you're unsure about prevailing in a confrontation, don't attempt confrontation; learn how to confront first. You'll probably need help. Find a coach or adviser, or seek intervention by a higher authority. Probe your network for any information about the bully that will help you in confronting the bully. Take care though: most officials at work believe they owe their first loyalty to your employer. Their loyalty to you is usually second.
Know what you're willing to do
If the bully believes that you're unwilling to fight back, and if you really are unwilling to fight back, deal with that reluctance first. If you choose to confront the bully, and the suite of tactics acceptable to you is limited, you can be certain that the bully will act so as to test your limits.
Successful confrontation with a bully might require some relaxation of your constraints. Either learn to relax those constraints, or learn to avoid triggering them. Once the confrontation begins, the bully will surely test your constraints.
Know the law
With regard If the bully believes that
you're unwilling to fight
back, and if you really are
unwilling to fight back,
deal with that
reluctance first
to bullies, legal protections in most jurisdictions are usually limited to physical acts — assaults and battery — though some jurisdictions do also provide protection from harassment. If you fight back with legal action against either the bully or your employer, you'll need willing witnesses and evidence.
Witnesses can be difficult to find, because testifying often entails risk of losing one's job. Recordings (video or audio) are helpful if you can create them in a manner that makes them admissible as evidence.

In Part II, we'll examine strategies directly related to actual confrontation. Next in this series  Go to top  Top  Next issue: Confronting the Workplace Bully: Part II  Next Issue
Bookmark and Share


101 Tips for Targets of Workplace BulliesAre you being targeted by a workplace bully? Do you know what to do to end the bullying? Workplace bullying is so widespread that a 2010 survey indicated that 35% of workers have experienced bullying firsthand, and that bullying is about four times more prevalent than all other forms of illegal harassment combined. Yet, there are few laws to protect workers from bullies, and bullying is not a crime in most jurisdictions. 101 Tips for Targets of Workplace Bullies is filled with the insights targets of bullying need to find a way to survive, and then to finally end the bullying. Also available at Apple's iTunes store! Just USD 9.99, Order Now!

Your comments are welcome
Would you like to see your comments posted here? Send me your comments by email, or by Web form.
About Point Lookout
Thank you for reading this article. I hope you enjoyed it and found it useful, and that you'll consider recommending it to a friend.

Point Lookout is a free weekly email newsletter. Browse the archive of past issues. Subscribe for free.

Support Point Lookout by joining the Friends of Point Lookout, as an individual or as an organization.

Do you face a complex interpersonal situation? Send it in, anonymously if you like, and I'll give you my two cents.

Related articles
More articles on Conflict Management:
A brainWhen You Can't Even Think About It
Some problems are so difficult or scary that we can't even think about how to face them. Until we can think, action is not a good idea. How can we engage our brains for the really scary problems?

Blaming and being blamedIs It Blame or Is It Accountability?
When we seek those accountable for a particular failure, we risk blaming them instead, because many of us confuse accountability with blame. What's the difference between them? How can we keep blame at bay?

Professor John Walker Gregory and Sir Clements MarkhamObstructionist Tactics: Part II
Teams and groups depend for their success on highly effective cooperation between their members. If even one person is unable or unwilling to cooperate, the team's performance is limited. Here's Part II of a little catalog of tactics.

Gary Jones, Oklahoma State Auditor and InspectorWhen the Chair Is a Bully: Part III
When the Chair of the meeting is so dominant that attendees withhold comments or slant contributions to please the Chair, meeting output is at risk of corruption. Because Chairs usually can retaliate against attendees who aren't "cooperative," this problem is difficult to address. Here's Part III of our exploration of the problem of bully chairs.

A schematic representation of the flagellar components of Salmonella enterica serovar TyphimuriumWhen Over-Delivering Makes Trouble
When responding to inquiries such as "Is that correct?" we sometimes err by giving too many reasons why it's incorrect. Patterns of over-delivery can lead to serious trouble. Here's how.

See also Conflict Management and Workplace Politics for more related articles.

Coaching services

I offer email and telephone coaching at both corporate and individual rates. Contact me for details at rbrenner@ChacoCanyon.com or (617) 491-6289, or toll-free in the continental US at (866) 378-5470.

Get the ebook!

Past issues of Point Lookout are available in six ebooks:
Reprinting this article
Are you a writer, editor or publisher on deadline? Are you looking for an article that will get people talking and get compliments flying your way? You can have 500 words in your inbox in one hour. License any article from this Web site. More info

Public seminars

The Race to the South Pole: The Power of Agile Development
On 14The Race to the Pole: An Application of Agile Development December 1911, four men led by Roald Amundsen reached the South Pole. Thirty-five days later, Robert F. Scott and four others followed. Amundsen had won the race to the pole. Amundsen's party returned to base on 26 January 1912. Scott's party perished. As historical drama, why this happened is interesting enough. Lessons abound. Among the more important lessons are those that demonstrate the power of the agile approach to project management and product development. Read more about this program. Here's an upcoming date for this program:

The Politics of Meetings for People Who Hate Politics
ThereThe Politics of Meetings for People Who Hate Politics's a lot more to running an effective meeting than having the right room, the right equipment, and the right people. With meetings, the whole really is more than the sum of its parts. How the parts interact with each other and with external elements is as important as the parts themselves. And those interactions are the essence of politics for meetings. This program explores techniques for leading meetings that are based on understanding political interactions, and using that knowledge effectively to meet organizational goals. Read more about this program. Here's an upcoming date for this program:

Managing Virtual Meetings for Real Results
LeadiManaging Virtual Meetings for Real Resultsng or participating in virtual meetings — teleconferences, Web conferences, video conferences, and more — is challenging. Miscommunications, misunderstandings, distractions, politics, and interpersonal conflict all thrive in the typical environment of the virtual team. We'll inventory the challenges virtual meeting leaders and participants face, and provide tools for anticipating and addressing them. The focus of this program is practical — attendees will learn concrete techniques for preventing and dealing with the problems that arise in virtual meetings. Read more about this program. Here's an upcoming date for this program:

Organizational Politics for People Who Hate Politics
Have Organizational Politics for People Who Hate Politicsyou ever felt powerless to implement an important new idea? Have you ever been "blind-sided" at a meeting? Have you ever lost two good employees because you could find no way to keep them from attacking each other? These are some of the issues of organizational politics. Many of us have become enmeshed in them from time to time, but we've also known some people who seem to be able to engage and prosper. How is that done? We'll inventory the challenges of organizational politics, and provide tools for anticipating and addressing them. The focus of this program is practical — attendees learn concrete techniques for dealing with the problems that arise in workplace politics, while keeping their integrity intact. Read more about this program. Here's an upcoming date for this program:

The Race to the South Pole: Lessons in Risk Management for Leaders
On 14The Race to the South Pole: Lessons in Risk Management for Leaders December 1911, four men led by Roald Amundsen reached the South Pole. Thirty-five days later, Robert F. Scott and four others followed. Amundsen had won the race to the pole. Amundsen's party returned to base on 26 January 1912. Scott's party perished. As historical drama, why this happened is interesting enough. But to organizational leaders and project managers, the story is fascinating. We'll use the history of this event to explore lessons in risk management and its application to organizational efforts. A fascinating and refreshing look at risk management from the vantage point of history. Read more about this program. Here are some upcoming dates for this program:

The Race to the South Pole: Ten Lessons for Project Managers
On 14The Race to the Pole: Ten Lessons for Project Managers December 1911, four men led by Roald Amundsen reached the South Pole. Thirty-five days later, Robert F. Scott and four others followed. Amundsen had won the race to the pole. Amundsen's party returned to base on 26 January 1912. Scott's party perished. As historical drama, why this happened is interesting enough, but to project managers, the story is fascinating. Lessons abound. Read more about this program. Here's an upcoming date for this program:

The Workplace Conflict Awareness Month KitIn April, increase awareness of conflict in the workplace, and learn how to convert destructive conflict to creative conflict. Order the Workplace Conflict Awareness Month Kit by 30 Apr 2013, New York time, at the special price of and save USD 10.00! Check it out!
Go For It: Sometimes It's Easier If You RunBad boss, long commute, troubling ethical questions, hateful colleague? Learn what we can do when we love the work but not the job.
303 Tips for Virtual and Global TeamsLearn how to make your virtual global team sing.
101 Tips for Managing ChangeAre you managing a change effort that faces rampant cynicism, passive non-cooperation, or maybe even outright revolt?
My free weekly email newsletter gives concrete tips and suggestions for dealing with the challenging but everyday situations we all face.
A Tip A DayA Tip a Day arrives by email, or by RSS Feed, each business day. It's 20 to 30 words at most, and gives you a new perspective on the hassles and rewards of work life. Most tips also contain links to related articles. Free!
101 Tips for Effective MeetingsLearn how to make meetings more productive — and more rare.
Exchange your "personal trade secrets" — the tips, tricks and techniques that make you an ace -- with other aces, anonymously. Visit the Library of Personal Trade Secrets.
If your teams don't yet consistently achieve state-of-the-art teamwork, check out this catalog. Help is just a few clicks away!
Ebooks, booklets and tip books on project management, conflict, writing email, effective meetings and more.
SSL