Responding to Rumors
by Rick Brenner
Have you ever heard nasty rumors about yourself? When rumors are damaging, they can hurt our careers, our self-esteem, and even our health. Sadly, our response to rumors often compounds the serious damage they do.
Our first reactions to false, damaging rumors about ourselves are often defensiveness, anger, or even counterattack. Most of these responses are ineffective. We make more constructive choices when we understand rumor dynamics.
- Rumors can become more damaging with age
- As rumors propagate, they evolve, because each of us applies our own filters to what we see, hear, and remember, and some of us give rumors a little spin as we move them along.
- Respond quickly. Waiting just gives the rumor time to spread and to evolve. Don't be concerned that your response might add to the spread of the rumor, because the rumor spreads on its own anyway.
- Most rumors are credible
- When a rumor spreads, it's probably credible, because people are more likely to retell rumors that they themselves believe. The credibility of a rumor depends not on the sources of the information, but on how well the rumor fits with prejudices, stereotypes, or widely held images. For example, a rumor about a workplace love affair spreads more rapidly if the couple is known to travel together or lunch together.
- To respond, begin by identifying the elements that make the rumor credible. Since the rumor's credibility in part derives from your own behavior, change your behavior.
- Packaged rumors spread more rapidly
- We respond to rumors
when we understand
- A rumor's "packaging" usually appears as a preamble: "You can't repeat this or tell anyone I told you." We feel a little safer retelling a packaged rumor because we have assurances that the trace path will exclude us. Packaging speeds propagation.
- If you hear a packaged rumor, assume that it has spread everywhere. Don't waste time trying to trace it to a source. You can probably guess the source anyway.
- Quelling a rumor is very difficult
- Nobody controls where a rumor travels or how fast. Controlling a rumor that's already circulating is impossible — once a rumor is loose, it circulates on its own, possibly indefinitely.
- Instead of trying to control a rumor, figure out how to get the truth to circulate just as fast as the rumor. Rely on respected third parties to circulate independently verifiable factual information that directly contradicts as much of the rumor as possible.
- Respond constructively
- If you become defensive, depressed, or irate, your behavior will seem to confirm the rumor — you will seem to have been caught in the act.
- Acknowledge the existence of the rumor, and address it seriously. Remember always that the people who believe the rumor might feel criticized if you dismiss it as transparently false.
You'll do much better when you can maintain your self-esteem. Make it your first priority — hang on with all your might to the belief that you're a fine person. When you believe in yourself, anything else you do is more likely to succeed. Top Next Issue
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More articles on Emotions at Work:
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- Deniable Intimidation
- Some people achieve or maintain power by intimidating others in deniable ways. Too often, when intimidators succeed, their success rests in part on our unwillingness to resist, or on our lack of skill. By understanding their tactics, and by preparing responses, we can deter intimidators.
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- Toxic Conflict in Virtual Teams: Dissociative Anonymity
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- Ego Depletion: An Introduction
- Ego depletion is a recently discovered phenomenon that limits our ability to regulate our own behavior. It explains such seemingly unrelated phenomena as marketing campaign effectiveness, toxic conflict contagion, and difficulty losing weight.
See also Emotions at Work and Effective Communication at Work for more related articles.
Forthcoming Issues of Point Lookout
- Coming December 2: Suppressing Dissent: Part II
- Disagreeing with the majority in a meeting, or in some cases, merely disagreeing with the Leader, can lead to isolation and other personal difficulties. Here is Part II of a set of tactics used by Leaders who choose not to tolerate differences of opinion, emphasizing the meeting context. Available here and by RSS on December 2.
- And on December 9: Clearing Conflict Fog
- At times, groups can become so embroiled in destructive conflict that conventional conflict resolution becomes ineffective. How does this happen? What can we do about it? Available here and by RSS on December 9.
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